The artist, Heide Crewe, built a COVID-19-esque online gallery space, to showcase her artworks and writings exploring her episodes of acute mental illness. Through this online experience, Crewe welcomed her audience to consider how we may translate and (re)construct our perspectives of mental illness, respect and community.

The name ‘Heide Crewe’ is an alias to hide the artist’s true identity as she addresses her experience of three prolonged manic and psychotic episodes, which lasted a total of nine months and resulted in three psych ward admissions. The alias was derived from one of her delusions and stands as a wink to her experience, which was both wonderful and terrible.

Due to the overwhelming stigma that exists within our society, Crewe also feels the need to protect her identity through the use of this alias. In saying this, Crewe encourages her audience to consider how experiences of mental illness may be translatable to other subjugated groups and the importance of greater social awareness, social spending and the empowerment of those managing their mental health conditions.

Through experiencing Crewe’s website, the audience was able to preview artworks created by Crewe, which represented a collaboration between an acutely unwell self, and a person who is learning how to manage her illnesses independently.

The first artwork was a seven minute film entitled ‘Conversations with Mac’. The film contains video diary entries that Crewe made while she was sectioned in a public psych ward. The film presents the argument that we should not sensationalise mental illness and that acutely unwell individuals can be likeable, ordinary, have moments of great insight and can effectively build rapport with their audience.

The audience is also asked to consider whether it is appropriate to isolate the mentally ill in the way that we do, as Crewe literally built a relationship with her Macbook laptop during the months that she was institutionalised.

The audience is then welcomed to view a series of five photographs which were taken by Crewe during her time in the psych wards, which were partially edited during her hospitalisation and then completed for this competition. The photograph shown here is called ‘Stripes’. It represents playfulness, vulnerability, exposure, shame and most importantly, a lack of insight into the existence of that shame and what that shame actually represents.

As a survivor of sexual violence and as a person who manages two mental health conditions, Crewe has lived with an extraordinary amount of shame. In saying this, Crewe recognises she is responsible for her actions and inaction, but that she is not responsible for things that are beyond her control.

Rather than shaming and isolating the mentally ill, Crewe encourages us to celebrate them and their achievements, whether they are big or small. The last piece shown on the website is a college which contains a collection of drawings, paintings and writing that Crewe created and collected while she was manic and psychotic.

This collection speaks of the darkness and despair that Crewe’s delusions forced her to endure. Mental illness, for some individuals, can create a kind of despair that may be unimaginable to some.

Overall, this piece was enormously personal and liberating for Crewe to create and she has felt fully supported and celebrated by the Monash Community through entering this competition.

Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity.

Yours truly, Crewe.