Growing up playing in the fields where my people were laid to die, I am the child of Khmer Rouge genocide survivors. Throughout my childhood, I never knew the full extent of the atrocities. Playing with deactivated landmines, thinking they were little toys. Running through rice fields and stumbling onto human remains. As I walk the earth of my motherland, I feel the souls of my people burning through my feet.

As an adult I recognise a dissonance between my identity, my culture and my life. I am now forced to live on a stolen land that is not my own, forced to speak a language and practice a culture that is not my own. I am both Cambodian and an Australian, yet I feel like I am neither.

This self-portrait reflects the shame and trauma I carry as a child of Khmer Rouge survivors. The portrait also symbolises my pride and unrelenting quest to reclaim my culture after its near-annihilation. I depicted myself as a vulnerable yet proud figure framed between two Angkorian-styled columns, imposing, ancient, yet covered in vines representing growth and healing. Taking inspiration from ancient Cambodian silk-tapestry, the patterned background is inspired by traditional Khmer shawls.

The portrait depicts me as an Apsara; a traditional and mystical dancer, posing in the centre, adorned with a detailed crown and gold jewellery. Her clothes and skin are stained in red blood, representing 'survivor's-guilt'. This is the guilt many Cambodian Genocide survivors and their children like myself have for being alive when so many of our kin are dead – we feel like their blood stains us. The Apsara is represented with four arms, akin to the ancient Khmer depictions of the Hindu god Vishnu, many statues of which were destroyed during the Khmer Rouge. Utilising hand gestures from Cambodian Ballet, an art form targeted and nearly lost during the genocide, she holds a blood stained skull on one hand, symbolising death. The symbol she makes on another hand, however, represents 'young leaves' representing growth, rebirth and triumph after adversity.

I want this piece to encourage young people of the Khmer diaspora to be proud of their cultural heritage, and for others to feel inspired to embrace the unique struggles, values and beauty of those from different cultures.