R U OK? Day: Reach out the right way
Ella is a mother of three. She has a good job, a nice home, and an active social life. On the outside, Ella is living the dream. But for over 18 years, on the inside, Ella was battling a nightmare.
Unbeknown to her, Ella had an anxiety disorder called Health Anxiety. This is a debilitating disorder, which hid itself from the outer world but that dominated her brain and mind, becoming her norm. For Ella, every ailment felt serious. Life-threatening, in fact. A slight pain in the head meant a brain tumour. Being unable to take a deep breath was lung cancer. It was so real that Ella “could almost smell it”.
This type of condition is not uncommon. Quite shockingly, the World Health Organisation once stated that one in four people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives, with anxiety and depression being the two most common mental health diagnoses.
This year’s R U OK? Day encourages everyone to reach out to those who may be struggling with life, by forming connections and having meaningful conversations. The ultimate aim is to protect people of all ages from suicide. But, asking the simple question, “Are you ok?”, can also be the first step to helping anyone with any issue, including those whose struggles may not necessarily be obvious.
While some ‘sufferers’ may mistakenly reach out for drugs, alcohol, comfort food, sleeping pills, and whatever they believe to be short-term solutions, Ella was constantly reaching out to ‘Dr Google’ for her answers. They were, of course, the wrong answers, which only exaggerated her problem.
“I had a powerful draw to Google, to self-diagnose”, Ella admitted at a recent interview, where she bravely told her story. “There were times when I would sit up in bed at 3am, just waiting to draw my last breath. The reality that I was dying got so bad that I couldn’t even contemplate moving back to the country, thinking that their doctors and health systems were not as good as those closer to the city.”
Neither Ella nor the endless list of specialists understood what was going on. That is until Ella noticed the FEAR Clinic.
The Monash FEAR Clinic provides Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy for the treatment of anxiety, depression, and related emotional disorders. Ella recalls the day she saw the advert that ‘saved’ her. “The word ‘FEAR’ drew me in. And then I noticed ‘Monash University’, and I thought to myself, “they have to know what they are doing!’” And so Ella applied to participate in the advertised treatment, which focussed on treating anxiety and depression. “I immediately felt panic after I approached the Clinic. I asked myself questions such as ‘what if I can’t be helped?’ But this wasn’t an option for me. It HAD to work.”
Ella began treatment and, on her first visit to the Clinic, felt instantly at ease. Unlike other health specialists she had identified, whose focus seemed on possible childhood causes, the FEAR Clinic was different. Here, the experts were keen to understand Ella’s current thought processes, which were driving all the chaos in her mind.
“The Clinicians were genuinely interested in me and in what I was experiencing”, Ella recalled. “The therapy was about the here and now, which suited me as I wanted to live now. I mean, I already had a train wreck running though my head; I didn’t want to be further derailed by visiting a past that I couldn’t change. I simply couldn’t carry on living as I was, and the Clinic recognised this. They showed real empathy towards me. They were actually the first to validate my situation.”
Ella’s initial apprehension had turned to hope. It did take her a while to completely trust, but the trust did come. “I fully embraced the process. I did everything they recommended for me because I knew that they understood, and I knew that they were going to help me.”
And they did. Today, Ella is a completely different person. This may not be obvious to the onlooker, but on the inside, Ella has changed so much – the way she now processes her thoughts; the learning of new cognitive behavioural skills that have helped to remove the chaos; and the ability to keep her mind on track. She has a new life, a new norm.
Ella relates her success to two key attributes – the comfortable, trusting relationship that she was able to build with her therapist at the Clinic, and her positive mindset from the beginning.
“I went in with a positive, open mind and, over the 12-week process, I became more rational; I stood up for myself. I reduced my daily struggles to a minimum. I am no longer contained within that fear.
“I am so grateful to the FEAR Clinic. They gave me the tools to recognise a different pathway; tools that I can and am using widely across several life situations. I even have a new mantra…. ‘It’s just a thought, it’s not a fact’. It sounds simple, but this is so powerful to me. And it helps me to keep my distance from Dr Google!”
Ella’s story teaches us a lot about the struggles that some people face, but find difficult to comprehend and communicate. And that is why, on this year’s R U OK? Day, it is critical that we reach out to one another, and start that conversation.
For those who may associate with any part of Ella’s story, and who may now feel the strength to take that first step themselves, we encourage you to reach out the right way, just as Ella did.
* Ella’s real identify has been protected in this story.
About the FEAR Clinic
The Monash FEAR Clinic is a specialty treatment and research clinic housed within the Monash Psychology Centre (MPC). The FEAR Clinic opened in 2016, and serves three primary purposes: 1) providing low-cost state-of-the-art Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy for the treatment of anxiety, depression, and related emotional disorders; 2) conducting research to better understand anxiety, depression, and related emotional disorders, as well as improve treatment options and outcomes; and 3) training postgraduate students to deliver the most powerful treatments for anxiety, depression, and related emotional disorders. http://Bit.ly/MonashFEAR
The Monash Psychology Centre (MPC)
The Monash Psychology Centre (MPC) provides psychological services to individuals and families. As part of the School of Psychological Sciences and MICCN at Monash University, we provide low cost, cutting-edge treatment to the community, while giving our senior psychology students in the Doctor of Psychology and Clinical Neuropsychology programs the opportunity apply their academic skills in a clinical setting. We aim to become a hub for innovative clinical practice and training and an asset to the broader community. http://www.med.monash.edu.au/psych/research/clinics/mpc/
About R U OK? Day
In 1995, Barry Larkin was far from ok. His suicide left family and friends in deep grief and with endless questions. In 2009, his son Gavin Larkin chose to champion just one question to honour his father and to try and protect other families from the pain his endured: "Are you ok?" While collaborating with Janina Nearn on a documentary to raise awareness, the team quickly realised the documentary alone wouldn't be enough. To genuinely change behaviour Australia-wide, a national campaign was needed. And from this realisation, and with Gavin and Janina’s expertise and passion, R U OK? was born. Gavin remained a passionate champion of the fact a conversation could change a life, even as cancer ended his in 2011. His and Janina’s legacy is ensuring all Australians realise a little question can make a big difference to those people struggling with life. https://www.ruok.org.au/