How to ask for consent

It’s important to ask for someone’s consent before engaging in sexual activity and to listen to the physical and verbal cues they’re giving you.

Before engaging in sexual activity, or during sexual activity, you should ask these kinds of questions to make sure consent is ongoing:

• Is that okay?
• Are you alright?
• How far do you want to go?
• What are you comfortable with?
• Are you sure you want to do this?
• Is there anything that you don’t want to do?
• Do you want to stop?

Listen for positive, enthusiastic responses that indicate consent. If someone says anything like the following, or nothing at all, you don’t have consent:

• No, I don’t want to
• I don’t feel comfortable
• Maybe later
• Not right now
• I guess so
• If you want to
• I’m not sure about this.

Similarly, you can tell by someone’s body language if they don’t freely consent to the sexual activity. Signs of discomfort could include pushing you away, stiffening muscles, not responding to your touch, turning away from you or hiding their face, and uncomfortable or painful facial expressions.

If you hear or notice any of these responses, stop immediately and listen. Don’t make them feel bad or try to suggest reasons why they should say yes. If they don’t want to, they don’t want to. To continue is rape or sexual assault.

For more information, you can watch our Sexual Consent video: